The game of attraction is tricky. As women, we often make it a bit more complex than necessary. I admit there have been times when my mind has gotten the best of me in the dating world, and let’s be honest ladies, you’ve likely done your fair share of over-thinking or have gotten a little heady about a budding relationship. Excitement can turn into anxiety, which is a major turn off. What men find really irresistible is a combination of appearance, energy and your mind.
Many women feel like they have to go out of their comfort zone to make a good impression on a man. Buying the pricey dress, getting her hair done, or doing things in the bedroom that make her a little embarrassed the next day. None of this improves your desirability factor to a man. Although part of attraction is visual, a huge part is internal; your confidence and energy speaks volumes. A balance of both will leave you feeling secure and your love interest will be falling for you in no time.
Attraction is based on what you find to be visually appealing, and can be enhanced with confidence and personality. Relationship expert Dr. Stewart Fischer identifies the “inside-out, outside-in” invention as key to feeling irresistible. The various components of your image are interdependent. For example, putting on a nice dress can bring about more confidence and even change the way you stand or walk. By making a positive adjustment to your appearance, you automatically radiate more self-confidence. When you feel desirable, you will likely continue to do things that create that feeling of desirability, such as working out, taking care of your body, and eating good food. All of which leads to a happier you.
Your appearance can be skin deep on some level. A recent Match.com survey found that above all else, men were more attracted to a woman’s smile; more importantly, her teeth! So those years of whitening and flossing may have paid off. The other aesthetics guys instantly take note of are hair and wardrobe. Now the good news (for our budgets) is that they were not as concerned with what brand you are wearing, but rather if you look well groomed and look as though you spent time primping for him. Think about how you would feel if your date showed up with a wrinkled shirt, shorts, and bad breath…it matters. So grab that whitening gel and maybe invest in a good deep conditioner; not only will you feel more confident, but perhaps more desirable to him.
Dress to accentuate your best self by picking an outfit that fits well. Being too comfortable doesn’t impress, especially in the beginning. Although comfort is important, wearing something that is a bit uncomfortable makes you more cued into your posture and allows you to potentially show off some curves. It goes back to the point about a guy feeling like you put some effort in. Nice jeans, cute shoes, and a flattering top will do the trick; no needs for a tight, short dress, especially if it doesn’t make you feel confident.
Your English teacher may have been on to something: grammar and intellect are factors in attraction. A PhD and subscription to the Wall Street Journal are not necessary; men are attracted to a girl with the ability to speak appropriately and who has some depth. You may not know a lot about derivatives but a little culture (not just E!) and the ability to talk without using abbreviations—FYI, LOL, JK, BRB, etc.—are good enough. On the other hand speaking down to him, even if your Mensa material, can be perceived as intimidating, so find a middle ground. Using words that attempt to show your intellect, especially if you don’t use them in the correct context, will turn a guy off.
There are two components of your behavior that also determine your image. They are your self-confidence and your communication skills. Although appearance is important, socially appropriateness is huge. Your self-confidence will reflect a positive attitude; it also indicates that you are secure with yourself, with or without him. An independent woman is irresistible, because a man generally has to work for her. Good communication skills, the ability to ask questions and listen, rather than talking about you or interrupting (man repellent) will make the date an especially memorable experience and you even more irresistible.
The dating process should be fun—getting to know different kinds of people and spend time with them in a no-pressure way. Too much focus on the future is a big stressor for guys. When you’re not focused on “where things are going”, you become very attractive in the process, because a guy will sense that you’re not making him the be-all and end-all of your life. Putting all your energy into him or making this move too fast, will likely cause him to feel your anxiety.
Stop stressing about your body. Even if you’re not 100% comfortable with your thighs or stomach, pointing out your trouble zones to him is a huge turn off. Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror or photographs of yourself and focusing on the things you see that you like. The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more you can relax during intimate encounters. If these issues seriously affect your ability to date or keep you from feeling comfortable in the bedroom consider talking to an expert or experimenting on your own. Discreetly exploring 1nightescorts.com items and buying some sexual self-help books will help. Modern sex therapists are often trained to help you feel confident in the bedroom; even talking to a close friend can provide ideas to lift confidence.
The bottom line is to be the best version of you, and if it doesn’t attract your next guy, then he isn’t the right one for you. Look at these experiences as assignments, and do your best to focus on being authentically irresistible.